To Catch a Gundam Pilot
by Yasha-chanu
Summary: You know, the regular "Heero and Duo stuck somewhere so Duo dresses like a girl" story. Yes, I know it's been done, but it's fun, and it's funny! Please read and review or I shall send Wufei do defend my honor and he will smite you! I"m only joking of cou


To Catch a Gundam Pilot  
Bye Yasha-chanu/Yashara/Tiger leaf (So what if I go by three nicks? ;p )  
  
Well, here is a fanfic! *Wow you say, a fanfic? Who would'a thought?* I wrote it spur of the moment. It only took me, like, 2 hours... okay, more like three. Even I can't crank out a five-page story in 2 hours. Well, hope you like it. (Because if you don't I'll kill myself!!!... or not) The time frame isn't really anywhere in particular. Just... er... um... somewhere! OH! And I don't own Gundam Wing... although I sure as hell would like to.  
  
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen... The most fantastic story in all the universe... "To Catch a Gundam Pilot"!!!!  
  
"So," the braided pilot mumbled, "we're in a mall, why?"  
"Because we are being followed. The mall is the most crowded place on the colony, it's the best chance we got," Heero said coldly  
"Yeah, yeah, but I'd rather be shopping than dodging Oz's nuts-for-brains henchmen in the food court."  
"Shopping..." Heero pondered.  
"Yes, Heero, that would be a word. Do you know any other words normal people use?" Duo scoffed.  
"Follow me." Heero started walking.  
"Not giving me much choice." Duo scowled as he followed his partner.   
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Well, what now?" Ren looked around the mall stuffed full of people.  
"We find them, genius." Maragon rolled her gray eyes.  
"Why are you such a bitch?"  
"Why are you such an idiot?"  
"YOU TWO SHUT UP!" A tall man shouted over Ren and Maragon's squabble.  
"Sorry, Sir," the two Oz soldiers said together.  
"What is it with you two? Why must you always cause me such grief? You call yourselves Oz soldiers..." He wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Now, if we don't catch at least one of the Gundam pilots soon we will fail our mission, you understand?"  
"Yes, Sir."  
"If we can't catch one 15 year-old boy in 4 weeks, do you know what will happen to us? Can you even imagine what would happen to us?"  
"Sir," another Oz soldier said, "I have finished your requested call for backup."  
"Good. Maragon, I want you to stay here and wait for their arrival. As soon as they get here, inform them of our position. Depending on how many men they send us, I want you to divide them into search parties."  
"Yes, Sir. What is the estimated time of arrival, Sir?"   
"Kandon?" The leader of the soldiers turned to his best man.  
"One half hour to one hour, Sir."  
"Oh, great," Maragon mumbled.  
"What was that?" The man snapped.  
"Nothing, Sir."  
"I don't know if I should trust you to do this..."  
"Sir!"   
"...so I've decided to send Ren and Kandon with you."  
"Kandon I can take, but not Ren!" she pleaded  
"Maragon!"  
"Sorry, Sir!"  
"Also, we should serve as good guards to the main exit. Most of the central traffic runs this way so we might spot the Gundam pilots as we wait," Kandon said calmly.  
"Yes," said the commander, "good thinking. Aaron, Laigon, Felix, you're coming with me," he barked.  
"Yes, Sir!" the soldiers shouted.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
"NO WAY! I'm NOT doing that!"  
"Yes you are," Heero said as he grabbed the retreating boy's braid.  
"WHY?"  
"They won't expect us this way."  
"I still say no!"  
"Quiet down. Don't bring us too much attention."  
"Why do I have to be the girl?" Duo continued to shout.  
"You're the only one who could. Besides, you don't think they'd recognize a boy with a three foot long braid?"  
"Well... Couldn't I stick it under my hat?" Duo pouted.  
"No."  
"WHY NOT?" he shouted again.  
"Duo! Stop yelling!" Heero shoved his partner into a dressing room. "They will be expecting two boys trying to escape. If we're not two boys we have a much better chance," he said quietly as he tossed Duo a dress and began to change his own clothes.  
"UUUGH!"  
"Unbraid your hair."  
"What?"  
"Do it."  
"No!"  
Sounds of a mighty struggle emerged from the dressing room. After ten minutes of wrestling, a pissed-off Duo stepped out of the dressing room. His hair was down and had become frazzled after the struggle. He was wearing a lovely blue dress with the cutest purple bows strategically placed all over it. Heero came out a minute after him. He was wearing a large T-shirt with the hideous and incomprehensible word "Abercrombie" written across it, and jeans. He picked up a pair of sunglasses and slipped them on.   
"It complements your eyes." Heero cracked a smile.   
"Shut up, Abercrombie boy," Duo retorted.   
Heero shot him a death glare.  
"Hey!" a woman at the counter said. "You better be planning to pay for that!"  
Heero pulled out a roll of fifties from his pocket.  
"Dude! Where did you get those?"  
The woman at the counter looked at the supposed-to-be girl with a raised eyebrow. Heero placed several large bills on the counter. "That should cover it. Now let's go."  
"What about my clothes?" Duo pouted  
"What?"  
"I'm not planning on wearing this the rest of my life!"  
"I suppose you're right."   
Duo went back to the counter. "Can we have a couple bags?"  
"Sure!" said the woman as she happily stuffed the extra money Heero had left in her pocket. She handed Duo a couple of bags that said "Shockerz" on it. Duo hurried back to the dressing room. He stuffed his clothes in one, and Heero's in another. "You carry this," he said as he tossed Heero's bag to him.   
"Hey," Duo said upon exiting the store, "was that a joke?"  
"Was what a joke?"  
"When you said the dress complemented my eyes?"  
"Hn..."  
"It WAS a joke! Heero Yuy cracked a joke!"  
"..."  
"This is amazing! Who would'a thought?"  
"Act like a girl," Heero mumbled to Duo  
"Huh?" Duo looked in front of him to see several Oz soldiers walking their way. He pretended to be playing with his hair while cleverly pressing it over half his face. Almost all the soldiers had passed when Duo made the mistake of locking eyes with the soldier straggling behind the group. The soldier narrowed his eyes and walked slower. He carefully looked over Duo with suspicion.   
"Hey, Felix! Stop checking out the girls, we've got work to do!" another soldier yelled from behind the Gundam pilots.  
"Wait up a sec!" Duo's new friend immediately ran to rejoin the group.  
"Well, that was close." Duo sighed.  
"You almost cost us both our lives."   
"And you'll never let me forget it will you? Wait... don't answer that."  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ren sighed and sat on the floor.  
"What are you doing? You're a soldier! Stand up!" Kandon barked.  
Ren groaned as he rose to his feet.  
"When is backup getting here?" Maragon asked her fellow soldier.  
"I didn't call backup," Kandon replied calmly.  
"What?" Ren and Maragon shouted.  
"What Commander Field didn't realize was that if we called for backup, we'd be the laughing stock of Oz."  
"Doesn't sound so bad," Ren mumbled.  
"Then we've been standing here for an hour waiting for no one?" Maragon clenched her hand around her sniper rifle.  
"Not exactly, Mara. I did call someone."  
"Who?"  
"A group of mercenaries and good friends of mine."  
"You really are the smart one." Ren smiled.  
"Especially compared to someone like yourself." Maragon smiled back. Kandon rolled his eyes and Ren flipped her off. "Anyway, when the hell are they suppose to get here?" she continued.  
Kandon looked at his watch. "They should be here by now."  
"Then where are they?" Maragon snapped.  
"I've been looking... and I think they're coming right now."  
A group of men dressed in Oz soldier uniforms approached them.  
"Those are Oz soldiers." Mara raised an eyebrow.  
"Of course they're not. Do you think security would let in a group of twelve heavily armored men without alarm? They always carry soldier uniforms."  
"Good point."  
The twelve men joined their group.  
"All right," Maragon's voice boomed, "separate into groups of five!"  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------   
"What now, genius? There are around ten soldiers at that exit."  
"There is more than one exit in a mall."  
"You seem to forget that we are going down the escalator to THAT exit." Duo gritted his teeth.  
"Calm down, I have a plan."  
"Great, let's hear it."  
"When we get off the escalator, go directly into the glassware store."  
"Okay," Duo sighed as he made a right to the intended shop. He looked to the store opposite the one he was heading to. "Wait a second, Heero..."  
"Hn?"  
"Look to your left. It's Quatre."  
"What is he doing here?"  
"I don't know, but I think he sees us."  
"Are you sure?"  
"He's laughing at me."  
The boy and his female Gundam pilot friend, formally know as the other boy, joined Quatre, who was bubbling over with laughter at the site of Duo.  
"Hey Q-tip, what are you doing here?" Duo said quietly as the three walked into the Bed, Bath and Beyond store.  
"Can't Quatre Winner go out for casual shopping? I believe I'm the only one of us that Oz doesn't have a clear picture of." He smiled mockingly. "I heard that you two left from the safe house and didn't come back yet, so I figured you had a tail, and I knew where I would go if I was followed.... Q-tip?"   
"How many soldiers have you seen?" Heero questioned.  
"It started out seven. Four left, leaving three. Another twelve joined them. They've been gathering in groups and separating."  
"Where's the closest exit?"  
"Up the escalator and through J.C. Penny's."  
"Right. Duo, let's go."  
"Wait, I have an idea."  
"What is it, Quatre?"  
"Duo, you come with me, and Heero will go separately. I noticed some soldiers looking at you two. I think you should separate."  
"Right. I'll meet you at the safe house," Heero said as he exited the store and headed for the escalator.  
Quatre went to the clerk at the counter. "Could you please tell me where the restroom is?" He politely asked the man in a black turtle neck sweater.  
"Bathroom? We don't have a bathroom here, thillies." The oddly-accented man smiled.  
"Umm..."  
"Why would there be bathroomth here?" He winked. "Cutie pie."  
Quatre's eyes widened. "Duo... the clerk is hitting on me... help...." he mumbled.  
"Hey!" Duo shouted in a girly voice, "are you hitting on my man? I know you wouldn't hit on MY man. Now you better hurry up and tell me where the bathroom is or I'm gonna take that cute little knit collar of yours and twist it till you choke!"  
"Goodneth! I wath jutht joking!" He sighed. "The bathroom ith down the hall and to the right," he huffed.  
"Thank-you." Quatre turned and briskly walked away.  
"Wait up!" Duo called behind him. "Why do we need to know where the bathroom is anyway?"   
Quatre stopped to pick up a decorative pillow off a fake bed set. "I want you to go into a stall and put this up your dress."  
"Huh?"  
"You know... to look pregnant."  
"Oh ya... But why do I need to do that?"  
"You're um, not very convincing."  
"I'm not?" Duo seemed disappointed.  
"No. I think you need just a little something extra."  
"Whatever you say, Q-tip."   
They walked down the hall to the women's restroom.  
"This is where I stop," Quatre said.  
"Wait a minute... This says 'women'."  
"I know."  
"No way!"  
"I know you don't want to but..."  
"I get to go in the women's restroom! Finally!"  
"......" Quatre quirked an eyebrow.  
"Well, be back in a second." Duo bounded off happily.  
After a few seconds Duo came out, pillow and all.  
"Why Duo, you look so womanly!"  
"Not one chick in there! Can you believe it?"  
"....." Quatre shook his head and looked down. "Um, Duo, your baby's crooked."  
"Huh? Oh! I can fix that!" He punched the pillow around. The odd looks from passers by didn't bother him. They walked back to the store exit.   
"Well that wath fatht," the store clerk remarked upon seeing the now seemingly pregnant Duo and Quatre leaving. They both ignored him, though Quatre blushed. On the way to the escalator, Quatre pretended to help the pregnant woman. When they reached J.C. Penny's they took a deep breath when they saw a group of Oz soldiers patrolling the exit. No matter, they should be able to get out easily. They watched numerous groups of people being stopped by the soldiers briefly before being let out. They took another deep breath before making the trip to the door. When they reached it they were stopped. Then someone yelled...  
"What are you waiting for?" A soldier hollered, "open the door for the lady!"  
Duo and Quatre sighed in relief as the soldier opened the door.   
"Thank you," Duo said in his best girl voice. Quatre nodded in agreement. The couple walked out of the mall towards the parking lot. They hadn't crossed the street before Duo stopped. He reached up under his skirt and pulled out the pillow.  
"Duo, what are you doing! Stop before..." Quatre said in a panicky voice.   
Duo dropped it and kicked it across the street. "I'm freeee!"  
"HEY! That's them!"  
There were soldiers outside the building, running towards them.  
"Oh, shit!" Duo said as he and Quatre took off running.  
"What happened?" Heero suddenly appeared beside them.  
"They found us out. What are you doing back here?" Duo huffed.  
"I didn't think you'd make it," Heero said as he tossed off his sunglasses.  
"Oh, thanks, pal."  
"What now?" Quatre tried to catch his breath.  
Heero gave a crooked smile, "I think we're gonna have to take a trip to the mall."  
  
  
----------------------------END---------------------------  
  
Yasha- So how was it?? I wrote it on the spot because FF.net accounts won't show up on searches and such until you post something!!! Its about 1 in the morning now! Yaaay! My neck is cramping! Yaaay! Well, I think I'm going to go try to get my legs going again! I'll post this tomorrow, no one will get a chance to read it at 1!! This is the first fic I've written in about... eh, 6 months?? I don't think it's my personal best but it doesn't completely suck... right? Please review, I accept non-signed reviews as well so REVIEW, GOSH DARNIT!!.... Ahem.... Anyway, after reading the story, my sister was disappointed the mercenaries didn't do anything. There's only so much I can write at midnight! But there is something I can do.  
  
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Dancing Mercenaries of Happiness!!  
  
*mercenaries dance around to the Can-Can.*   
*mercenaries sing* "Prisoners of love, blue skies above. Can't keep our hearts in jaaaail! Well you can lock us up and lose the key, but hearts in love will always be: Prisoners of love, blue skies aboooooooooove....."  
That's from the movie, "The Producers" (if you've never seen it), but weren't they lovely? *mercenaries sing Jesus loves me in the background as they break-dance.*   
I think I'm going to make them an attraction. Wouldn't you pay to see them?  
"Jesus loves me this I..."  
You can STOP now!  
"For the Bible tells me soooo..."  
Stop singing!  
"they are weak but..."  
I said STOOOP!  
"..."  
Finally.  
"Yeeesss, Jesus loves meeee."  
AAAGH! Stupid mercenaries. Anyway, Sorry for making Duo a girl. It's so sad how he's always the one stuck in drag. I feel so awful writing another petty "Duo in Drag" story. But, like I said, I needed and easy story plot. Duo dressing like a girl, fun, easy, and why the hell not? I will try to write more (not like anyone cares if I do or not...) sometime, but for now, it's Yasha, signing out!  
Banananana....nananna....nana...na? 


End file.
